Too fast

My daughter is a beautiful little girl. She is shy, thoughtful, kind and her laugh could make Scrooge smile. She is a picky eater, a Daddy's girl and loves to snuggle. With twins, it takes quite an effort to not compare the two babies. The "happy one," "evil twin" and "easy one" are not words we use in our home because we want them to be individuals and know they are important and loved on their own and in their own way.

However, I am a first-time parent. I have nothing to compare "normal" to except for my other child's normal. This has come in handy before...like, after my son started teething, I could see the signs easier for my daughter. When my daughter started wanting only one nap, it was easier to make the transition for both.

On the flip side, this has been problematic in the past. My son says more words than my daughter. My daughter knows more body parts than my son. Most recently, my son started walking sooner. A lot sooner. He started walking on his own around Thanksgiving but my daughter has JUST now started to walk on her own in the last few days. This morning, as she stood up to walk to a toy she saw across the room, I thought, "Whew - she is doing great. Like she's been walking forever." I realized that I had been stressing about her timeline. I don't know why - they already are growing up too fast. And I started to wonder why I was mentally pushing her to walk sooner than she was ready for.

In our society, we want things now. NOW, now. Not like "in 5 minutes now." I tend to be pretty bad at this myself. If I ask my husband to do something, I mean now, not "when he's done" with whatever he's doing. (We're working on that in order to maintain my husband's sanity.) At work, I hate having to wait for answers. And, since starting this journey just 9 days ago, I have caught myself wondering why I wasn't thin already.

What I realized today watching her walk was that things will come when all of the criteria have been met. She has been working SO hard at walking. Balance didn't come to her as easily as it did for her brother. Her left leg turns out a bit and she has a hard time getting it to "work" right. AND, she had a Daddy that was willing to hold her anytime she wanted because she is SO danged cute.

I have to work just as hard to learn how to eat again. What I have known for 32 years was wrong, so much like learning a new language or a new skill, it will take practice. I can't expect myself to be a superstar overnight. And, this does NOT come easily to me. I was not taught portion sizes or the correct way to deal with emotions as a child. Finally, I have a genetic pull towards obesity and people around me who want me to cook for and eat with them. This is an uphill battle. If being thin and healthy was easy, EVERYONE would be thin and healthy. In America, though, it is quite the contrary. I need to have patience with myself and take it one day, one meal, one pound at a time. Thank you to all of you for being on my team. It means more than I could ever say.