Reaching...

Today is a better day. And as I woke up this morning (to my son’s ever-too-early “dah, dah, dahs”), I was amazed at the lack of guilt I had. It was one of the weirdest and best things I’ve ever experienced. Guilt from eating on a bad day happens so often for me that it has become the norm. It was amazing to feel good about yesterday and optimistic about today. I’m not feeling guilty for making wrong choices. I’m not forced to recommit myself to this new lifestyle because I STAYED committed. Instead of falling or giving up, I asked for help and support. I told Brad and Scott that I was reaching. And I really was – I felt myself falling, giving up, caving into myself. It was just a hard day and dealing with it emotionally was SO much harder than eating something. The support unit was the key for me. I didn’t even hear from them until last night, but KNOWING I could ask, that I could reach, helped me. Evan helped me during the day and the reserve team backed him up that night. Funny that it takes 4 people to get me through a bad day. Geesh.

I had a small victory yesterday – actually, I think it could be considered a large victory. With Scott and Brad’s help, I am learning that (as Scott put it) “the result is a function of the process.” And I am so used to striving for excellence that I want the end, the result. And, I work really hard in my life to make sure I am getting it. This whole “journey” thing can get rough – I just want the Cliff Notes version, please.

I asked Evan the other day how many Spinach salads he thought we would eat in the next 90 days. His response? “180.” :) Funny Evan. How many small battles and victories am I going to have in the coming months? It seems like a number too high to count. Now, I just need to make sure that each battle ends with a victory. I have a whole new respect for ex-smokers or recovering alcoholics and drug addicts. Being thin and healthy better be FAN-FREAKING-TASTIC!