Some changes - finally...

These pictures are from my gym at work. It just opened this year and I thought, "Why would I ever want to stay at WORK and WORKOUT?" Seriously! Work and working out in once sentence? Talk about two things I try to avoid like the plague! Somehow though, the two things together have been a miracle!

I talked a bit ago about how working out is something that is so hard for me because I feel so guilty leaving my kids. This remains true. But, I have already resolved myself to the fact that I have to work and I am used to being gone from my little ones during the day. When I workout in my office gym, I'm able to get in there, get done and get home without feeling like I ever left my kids. They don't know I'm a half-hour later than normal and I don't feel guilty.

Another benefit for me has been that I work harder. Not that the 50 something engineer in shorts from 1984 walking at 2.4 next to me cares at ALL if I work out for 20 or 45 minutes or if I increase my incline or not, but somehow, I feel a twinge of competition. Whatever works, eh?

Another change in life is that I am now eating grains again. This is a new thing, so I have to be really careful not to choose a grain that will be a trigger for me. Hot homemade wheat toast with butter? Um, yeah. Trigger. Makes my mouth water just thinking about it. But a little brown rice in a stir-fry? Not as much. I'm not super excited or worried or anxious about adding grains back in. I think that's a good sign. It just is. I feel like that means I am gaining small amounts of control over food instead of vice-versa.

Finally, I am committing to actually taking the Alli that is sitting on my kitchen windowsill. Weight loss has slowed lately, so I'm hoping that picks it back up. The bottom line, though, is that I've kept going. I've really been doing well since 12/27 - 13 weeks I've been doing well. That is by FAR the longest I've stayed with something. People ask me what is different this time. I honestly don't know the answer besides that I've stuck with it. Probably because I feel liek I can. Brad and Scott have offered me accountability and hope. For me, those have been the two missing pieces in the past.

The best news is that people have started commenting on my weight loss. It took FOREVER it seems, but it has been so motivating and wonderful. My boss (who knows full well that I've been working my butt off) asked me the other day, "Hey, have you been losing weight?" Ha! I seriously laughed out loud. I tried to keep SOME level of respect as he is my boss and all. After I finished laughing at him, I thanked him. I don't care how the compliments come, as long as they keep coming.

Becoming a Habit

No, I'm not dead. :) I'm also not cheating. I've had a few rough weeks, though. First, I got bronchitis and WISHED I was dead. It was the sickest I've been in years and it took all the energy I had just to walk downstairs. I got it from someone at work who came in even though she was sick. I think that is the rudest thing of all time and I make no bones about it. THEN, my 18 month-old son fractured his collarbone. If you want to see something pathetic, find a baby with a sling on his arm. It broke my heart. All he wanted was for me to hold him. Literally, for 2 days, I held him for most of his (and my) waking hours. THEN, he got my bronchitis and the coughing hurt his shoulder and his misery was infectious. It was a pretty rough few weeks. But we made it and here I am.

I can say that I don't have much to report, which is actually something to report. Life is just business as usual, which means that this has become usual. Healthy meals are planned, grocery shopping on Saturdays are normal, (we have to shop once a week to make sure we have the freshest produce) making breakfast together has become a routine and packed lunches are normal for us. Also, we've been taking family walks every evening and the babies now know where their jackets are, where the stroller is, etc. We've done it so much, it has become habit for them, too.

I was on my treadmill last night and realized that I was running at a 4.5 with no problem. It was too easy and I had to change it up. Before, I was walking at a 3.5 and counting the minutes until the hell was over. Now, 4.5 is no problem. Also, today I am starting a new thing. My workplace just opened a new gym. I thought I would never need it because we have a treadmill at home. But if I workout before I even leave work, I will get home only 30 minutes later than I would have and my workout will be done. I'm going to see how that goes as far as feeling guilty that I'm not with my kids. I can say, I'm pretty excited about it and I can GUARANTEE that I wouldn't have said that 3 months ago.

I haven't really weighed myself in a while, but I can tell that this 10 pounds is taking its time coming off. I'm not really sure why that is, except for illness, stress and general upset to life. What's different about this time? I haven't given up. If nothing else - if I lose no more weight for another week - I haven't given up. THAT is a victory and I will take all the victories I can at this point.