Evan and I have both had headaches the last few days. Not a BAD headache, but worth mentioning. We're pretty sure it is our bodies detoxing from sugar. Brad treats overweight people like he would treat a drug addict - and this reaction from my body certainly helps his case.
I have thought in the past about drug addicts and compared myself to them. I wondered, "If a drug addict can stop using, why can't I stop eating?" I know some people who have stopped smoking. And, even though I try not to judge, I find myself thinking that I am more intelligent or capable than some of those people. I mean, if they can do it, shouldn't I be able to? Aren't people who start smoking or using drugs less intelligent than I am because they started doing something that they KNEW was stupid? And yet, here I am. Barely fitting into airplane seats and not recognizing myself in pictures. What is that ONE thing you have to find in yourself or that ONE thing that has to happen to you to finally get you to stop hurting yourself? I still don't know the answer.
We had a nanny that we found out was a cutter. This person no longer cares for our children, but that always has seemed so odd to me - cutting yourself to numb the pain or stress of life. In reality, though, (cue epiphany) that's what I've been doing. And my way of numbing is obvious to EVERYONE - even those from across the room. I can't just wear long sleeves. Man, if only it was that easy to cover up...
Another question, then: What is it that I'm trying to numb from? My childhood (besides being teased for being fat) was great. My marriage is perfect. I have two wonderful children. My family loves me, most of the time. I know and have a relationship with my Father in Heaven. Is it possible that being chubby as a kid and the pain I felt from that spiraled into my current weight?
Here I sit - Day 4 of the "Love-Centered Diet" and down almost 6 pounds. I will say this - 6 lbs gives quite the motivation. And, although I wouldn't say it was easy, (especially watching my cute and pregnant sister-in-law eat Frost doughnuts this morning) I would say that it hasn't been too bad. And it has TOTALLY been worth it. 60% of the first 10 completed. That feels pretty good, even if this headache doesn't.
7 comments:
Good job Cara! :) 6 pounds is something to celebrate.
Hey Cara, You are doing great! The first few days are always a bear for us any time we begin a new diet of sorts. One thing that always gets me through the first tough time is a cup of hot bouillon. Nothing in it, just the chicken, beef or veggie flavor. It has almost no calories, and somehow soothes the pain of not eating. (If you are allowed) I think you are awesome, and am enjoying keeping up with you! Keep up the good work.
Cara, you are awesome. Your insights into yourself give me a chance to ask myself the same questions and review my attitudes about myself and food. Good luck with all you're working on. You are a beautiful woman. :) By the way, if you're allowed, pickles and carrot sticks are some of my favorite snacks for anytime...virtually no calories. :)
First I want to say GREAT job on the 6lbs!!!!!!!! Whoo hoo! The 1st week is hard as it is for getting rid of anything that affects our body-brains. It's amazing who would of thought that the same processes involved in drug/sx withdrawal are the same for wt loss? Society doesn't understand addiction. (headaches, jonesing, sweats, association-for example) Now the question for me is this like so many other addictive like behaviors, "Is it truly addiction or compulsive behavior or both? Is it due some chemical imbalance or need in our brains that doesn't quite kick in gear -so to speak, or pain from experiences of life-what NEED does it deceptively provide in our lives?" I do not have the answers either and find it quite fascinating to explore- within ourselves.
~Kristi P
Phoenix
I agree, 6 lbs is awesome. I know it is hard but keep up the good work. I am glad you have a wonderful support system in Evan and two beautiful babies to stare at each and every day! xoxo
It took me almost a month to lose 5 lbs...so you are wonder woman!
As far as cute pregnant sisters-in-law go, they still will have to get back to their pre-pregnancy body after that baby is born!
I'm going to comment on every post. New Year's resolution :)
You're so funny, yet insightful at the same time. That's why I love you. And self-control isn't always the only answer. That's why AA and other orgs have sponsors to help get through tough times. I'm glad your author friends are giving you such regular support!
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