See how everyone looks like they're dead? They wish they were. :) Okay, so not really - but this is by FAR my favorite pose. The "corpse pose." I wonder where it got its name....This last Saturday, at hot yoga, my friend and I mistakenly stood right underneath a heat source. The room is already 105 degrees so the added heat was, um, unnecessary. But still, no one ever says, "I wish I hadn't done yoga today." That was true for me. My mind seemed more clear, my body was for sure more healthy and I can't wait until Wednesday night's class.
I'm not sure if it was the added heat or just the day, but during this particular yoga session, I had a bit of anxiety halfway through. I missed my kids. I felt guilty for being gone. I felt guilty for doing something for myself and not spending time with them. I realize that this is totally irrational. I realize that by doing this FOR me I am essentially doing this FOR them. But as a working mom, I have this underlying guilt whenever I am away from my kids. I feel like if I am not at work, I should be with them. I literally plan dates, errands, working out, ANYTHING around their sleep schedule.
Let's be honest - most people don't need ANOTHER excuse not to work out. Here in Seattle, the rain is a built in excuse most days for working out outside. I have a built in excuse for not working out in my children. I just don't know how to get around this guilt. They have 9 hours of awake time in a day. I am at work for 7 of those hours so I have a hard time using some of the remaining 2 to work out. On Saturdays, I feel like I miss their mornings and afternoons during the week so I need to be with them. I've tried working out "with" them, but I am more focused on them than I am on myself and I don't get as many benefits.
I weighed myself today - I am down 5 more lbs since my first "just 10" goal. This 5 definitely has been harder than the first. This 5 has taken over 3 weeks. I know that part of this "stickiness" is that I am not getting in as many workouts as I should. And I'm feeling a bit desperate. A bit anxious. I know that 5 lbs in 3 weeks is still 5 lbs. And as Brad says, "Sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly, change happens." True. But that doesn't mean that the slow time isn't hard. I have to stay focused on the fact that the change is happening. And that change is COMPLETELY in my control.
3 comments:
As a working mom, I want to be able to spend as much time with my kids when we are home together too. However, that means many other things are left undone. Leaving my kids to go exercise is one of those things I have always struggled with as well. Keep up the good work. You are an inspiration to many around you.
Cara, you are doing to good. I admire how you are able to wait to weigh. I weigh everyday and when the scales don't change sometimes i worry. I had a 2 week stand still then i started losing again and we started within about 3 days of each other i think. I started Jan 14. I'm proud of you for doing the Yoga, the heat scares me. HA I used to have a salon next to a place that did hot yoga a few times a week and we could smell them through the wall sometimes. I felt for them but they came in bunches. They absolutely loved the classes. Keep up the good work and the honesty, you inspire me.
My Best
Kay Haveman
I understand that feeling Cara. What mom doesn't? I was there and didn't make the time for me....I bet yoga back then would have been a better mom, calmer, less anxious mom. Give yourself permission. You are worth it.
BTW - I have never tried hot yoga...maybe I will.
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