No, no one died. We are all alive and well. When I talked to Scott last night, he asked me to do a body map. Brad talks about body maps in his book, Just 10 LBS. As you can see in the picture, I drew an outline of what I thought I looked like with my arms at my side. This is the black line on the outside. Then, Evan, came in and drew a line (red on the inside) of what I really looked like. (Brad, I do wish that I could do this with my arms out. One thing I DO have going for me is my bodacious curvy curves. I like to think of myself as a plus-size Jessica Rabbit and this body map makes me look like an apple on a toothpick, which I am not. *wink, wink*)I was shocked to see that I thought my legs were so much bigger than they were. Also shocking, and maybe more so, was the fact that I did pretty good in my estimation of the rest of my body. I am not sure how I would have done 2 months ago - I have a really weird body perception. It is hard for me to know what I really look like.
After I saw myself on The View, I apologized to Evan. I really didn't know that I had gotten that big. I mean, I knew, I just didn't know, you know? I've always thought I looked bigger or smaller than I really do. Now that I am losing weight (and have to be near the 20 lb mark) I wish more people would notice. It is hard to see 20 pounds on someone that needs to lose over 100 - but after almost a month of hard work and sacrifice, it would be nice if someone's jaw would drop or something when they see me. And not because I said something inappropriate, (tee hee) but because they think I am wasting away to practically nothing.
The last few days have been pretty rough. Nothing major, I guess, but I can certainly feel that I am going through "a phase." I feel like if I can JUST pull through this next little bit, get over this hump of sorts, things will get easier. I was telling my in-laws about this today and Evan agreed. I think we've done "diets" before for 3 weeks but never longer without taking a "break." (Most of our breaks are 2-3 months long and full of chocolate.) Getting through this 4 weeks slump will make us or break us.
I've just found myself wanting foods more. Cravings are coming more often and giving up is frequently on my mind. Justification, excuses, you name it. That's been a common theme this week. I passed a Walgreens today where Snickers bars were being advertised on the marquee for 49 cents. (Curse Walgreens.) I literally had to call Evan twice and have him talk me through it. Snickers really do satisfy. But for only so long.
So, onward. Actually, this week, upward. One day at a time, one meal at a time.
4 comments:
You ARE Jessica Rabbit. Only with more personality and modesty.
Body perceptions are nuts. I always think I look better than I do until I see myself in a picture and am confused. I don't feel the way the picture shows...
you should let the kids finger paint your body map :)
Love this post! We are sharing your journey & blog with people. It is so inspiring, honest pure of heart. Brad says...."Sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly, Change Begins." It is true, and you are breaking life long and generational patterns that will live beyond you. So bravo. And bravo. And bravo. Don't worry, jaws WILL drop!
Cara, a couple weeks ago I almost bought a box of donuts because I was so hungry at the store and I thought I would take them home and share them with my husband, but your donut post stopped me...thank you! And I have the same problem with incorrect body image, I call it reverse anorexia. I look in the mirror and see myself smaller than I actually am. You are doing so good, and are providing such a good example to people like me. Thank you.
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